I have always wondered about the condition of the human mind while the body is sick. So many new health resolutions are made, promises to do this in a different way, to quit that to prevent harm to the body etc.
I have been sick for 5 days now, and instead of getting better, I can feel my health (both mental and physical) getting worse. Everyday new symptoms appear, my fever refuses to break and I can’t help but wonder, ‘can I pull off another miracle on a sickness that refuses to go away?’
As loyal readers of this blog already know, I almost died last year due to a misdiagnosed lung infection and damn, my life changed drastically. I literally call the day I woke up again as the beginning of life 2.0. But to be honest, life 2.0 started off with a bang but has somehow ended up right where life 1.0 ended: pissed off, bitter, sad, depressed, not valuing the life I have.
And as I begin to wonder how this happened, it is not really the ‘how did I get here’ that I am interested in… it is ‘how can I change and become better’. I don’t know if it is just this sickness that makes me want to behave in this miraculously different human being, or is it the fact that having even a viral fever is enough to remind me of everything I have gone through and how hard it was to get back up on my feet.
I am not sure when I’ll be up and running again, but till then, it’s time to start making amends with myself, for myself and obviously for those around me too.