Abuse. We have all heard that word, some of us have lived it and some of us have made someone live through it. We all have at some point heard the stories of those who have lived it, but I want to talk about those who have made someone live through it instead.
Our society has channeled us into thinking that the world is divided into two parts – the good and the bad. Someone can either be good or bad. We think that abusers are bad people just like we assume that all Muslims are terrorists, we have been channeled into stereotyping without understanding.
Have you ever been violent, or even just thought violent thoughts? Have you ever verbally swore at or cussed someone? Can you take a second and think about an incident like that and think about your mind process or what caused you to have done something like that? Did this incident stop you from thinking that you are a bad person? Or is there any guilt for what you have done?
I have been violent once. I literally slapped my boyfriend when I found out he was talking to his ex and wanted to get back together with her. When I found out he tried to lie his way out of it, and for the first time in my life I lost my shit and I slapped him. Not once, not twice, a lot of slaps. And I screamed, shouted and cried. Where did that violence, that anger come from? Not from a place of malice, but from a place of hurt, of pain. I was hurt to the point where not knowing what to say or how to react, my mind went into a fury. I have also cussed or swore at the same boyfriend. He cussed or swore at me too and he has been violent too, twice. He is my ex-boyfriend, has been for a couple of months now. And I don’t think it was necessarily because of the above, but I will get to that in another post, another time.
I know where I acted out from, what was going my head that led to my being violent. I also have an idea where my ex-boyfriend was coming from when he became violent. But, thanks to the image of an abuser and the fact that most abusers are assumed to be men, he was tagged as an abuser and an aggressive person while no one really knew about my violent episode. And I am sure, as you read this, you might even be siding with me. I am not going to go into the details of why he got violent, because I am going to tell you something better.
No one wants to be a bad person. Everyone wants to be good. We have never been taught how to deal with or handle our emotions, which is why we are in the chaos that we find ourselves in. It is easy to think of someone as bad, while we can easily justify our actions in the exact same situation. No one becomes violent without a reason. People don’t go around wanting to hurt other people. And if there is someone who does that, that person is crying out for help. Remember that proverb that goes, always be kind to everyone you meet, because you don’t know what they might be going through? That applies to these kind of situations as well.
The world is full of broken people, who have different ways of showing their brokenness. Some ways are legalized, such as smoking and drinking alcohol; some are looked upon with sympathy such as crying (for women only, as of now); some are looked upon as pure evil such as abuse. The way to heal broken people is not by branding some as good or bad, the way we feel like it (since both the terms good and bad are relative). The way to heal broken people is to first, understand why and then work on the how of changing such behaviors.
And those who have been abused: never ever think it is because of you, past traumas and pain can culminate and come out on even the tiniest of mistakes and anger. You do not deserve this treatment. I am not trying to justify abuse here, I am plainly saying that in order to take away this from our planet, we need to find the root cause and nip it in the bud.
The most important thing, however, is to first spot and accept our own shortcomings and heal them, then we will be better equipped at helping others. It is our planet, our nature, our people. It is our responsibility to make the world a better place, not just for ourselves but also for everyone else. It may seem like a Herculean task, but if we all do it together, we can make the world a better, safer and happier place together.