Is it just me, or is everyone super-pissed these days, about every teeny-tiny thing? I am trying to calm, but I am pretty much nearing my limit. And the things I have to say shouldn’t come out in anger. I usually keep quiet about things that irritate me, but when I get angry it all explodes. I have some very critical critiques of people around me, and when I am angry and say those things, I unconsciously make it as hurtful as possible. Yeah, I am the worse kind of pissed off person.
Today everything is irritating me, and I feel like all my buttons are being pushed, and not in a good way. Everything and anything makes me want to yell at the top of my lungs, which I cannot do, since I am pretty sure my lungs will collapse or explode if I do that. There is a partial Solar Eclipse in Leo today and it’s all about representing the truest form of your self-expression, after today we are going into 10 days of a very powerful Mercury influence, which is going to cause A LOT of misunderstandings, communication-wise.
I don’t think it would be too much of a problem for me, since I am trying to be as quiet as possible these past couple of days. I move as quietly as a cat, and don’t really talk to anyone. Fun stuff. My fever has broken today, but the weakness is killing me (not literally, but who knows). I know these aren’t the kind of posts I usually make, but I have a lot of venting to do, and since I don’t think anyone really gives a damn, I am venting here.
Writing has always been my go-to for stressful situations. It calms me down and helps me rationalize as I sort my feelings out. Sure, I feel extremely alone. Some days I wonder why I didn’t just die. I feel completely out of place in society. And the last support that I had, I decided to take out. Today, it feels like all the progress I made in the last few months is crumbling down. I feel like I am rushing towards rock bottom and everything feels doomed.
I know this state of mind is fleeting and eventually I will go back to being positive and optimistic. I just don’t want to let the negativity hidden inside. If I am able to share positive thoughts with you, I should be able to share the negative ones too. Also, I don’t want to be a hypocrite and pretend that my mood is always jolly and positive. I am grateful that I am getting another chance at life. But, life by definition is a two-faced coin. Where there is positivity, there will also be negativity. So why hide and pretend that everyone is happy all the time? I am not and I know that every single person on this planet has some kind of problem, tension or sorrow, it is Human to feel these things.
Our society focuses so much on one side of everything, when really we should be able to portray both sides without any kind of guilt and shame. That is why people are so screwed these days mentally, they keep one side hidden, the side they think will make them unlikable. Fuck it! Even if no one is standing besides you, YOU always will be.