I am sick, again. It is just a fever, but my chest pains have returned and every time I have to stop to take a breath while speaking, I feel myself overcome with dread. I know it’s probably nothing and that I am just over-thinking it.
Coming so close to Death, has undoubtedly, changed a lot of things about the world for me. I feel that I am still not over it, to be honest. Still not over the fact that I was about to die. I was as good as gone. But I came back, and I believe I came back for a good reason. What if, however, it was nothing other than just a medical miracle? What if that’s it? I remember after I came back home from the hospital, everyone was super supportive about me following my truth, my purpose. Now, however, it feels like everything is coming back to square one. I only ever wanted to change the world. Show everyone that there is so much more to life than just slaving away for corporations and governments. In a time where everything is measured by money, however, I know I am an incompetent loser. So, do I forsake my principles to make the world happy, or do I keep fighting my fight alone, hoping for a better day? Don’t get me wrong, I do want to work and earn money, because I do realize that money is needed to some extent. But, I don’t want to do something that will eat up all of my time and leave me no time for the things that I actually want to do.
I finished reading Luigi Pirandello’s One, None and a Hundred Thousand. It is a beautiful piece of literature and it is scary how much it mirrors and unmasks a reality that when you start thinking about, is actually true. The sad truth is that, people who give no thought about what’s happening in the world or themselves, are happy people. Those who do start waking up, realizing shit that others remain blinded to, they are labelled crazy and unfit. Of course, woke people will seem crazy and unfit, because the truths they figure out are apocalyptic in nature.
I wonder if more and more people, will actually wake up and if they wake up, will there be enough of them to make a difference? And I wonder if people like me will ever get the appreciation we deserve for the things that we do do, instead of being looked down upon for not following the herd.
I have always been surrounded by people, but I have always been alone. No one gets me, and while I, out of loneliness used to not care and just be glad for the company, am now learning to be at peace with it. I am slowly accepting the fact that I am different and I shouldn’t worry if no one wants to understand that. The system was made in this way, that the followers get all the praise while the originals get nowhere. I hope the system can be changed. I am changing it in my own way, by seeing through the illusions and refusing to participate in their blood rituals.
So, when are you going to change to take down a broken system?